Dear Self,
When people ask me if I know a strong person, you know I’ll be the first to raise both of your hands—and feet.
To say that you’ve been through a lot would be an understatement and you’ve endured more pain than anyone I know.
Pain from all those physical operations, pain from emotional heartaches, pain from disappointments and failures and all other sorts of pain if there was a pain spectrum.
When you decided to pass on your dreams to start a family with the man you thought would stay beside you through thick and thin. You braved two decades of fear and uncertainty as you tried to grasp for straws before realizing there was nothing to hold on to and it was time to leave.
You left, with very little pride and even lower self esteem, even though you knew it was going to be hard and that your children would suffer the consequences. But you also had to show them how to be brave, to let them know its okay to let go before you totally lose yourself.
Because it was the best thing to do, for your sanity, for your own being, for them.
You were broken and you needed to fix yourself first.
Those KDramas had nothing compared to what you had to go through. It wasn’t easy, go start again, but you made it this far. You deserve a pat at the back woman.
Then the pandemic came. Since all of your kids now have their own family, you worry more about them than yourself, praying everyday to keep them and their kids safe and healthy.
So when you received a call from one of them telling you that he had COVID-19, it was as if you were the one who tested positive. All you could do was cry every night, asking for God’s miraculous healing praying because you couldn’t take care of them.
Thankfully, God answered your prayers and they called back after a week or two to let you know that they were okay and slowly recovering.
God is good indeed. This pandemic has brought families closer and you became more connected with your kids. You have been texting and calling them more than usual. You have been visiting your parents and had a long and fruitful conversations that you wouldn’t be able to do because you had no time. You were always busy with work, you were always home late, you were too busy with needless things you forget what is important—family.
This pandemic has given the time to reconnect with your family and that was great, because you feel loved and your kids also got the chance to open up to you to talk about things you never thought they’d confide in you.
All those years you thought you were doing great, you suddenly realize you weren’t the perfect parent. That you didn’t have the monopoly of right decisions that they were hurt by some of the choices you made. It wasn’t until you got the chance to have a heart to heart talk and listen to them that you realized just how much you loved them even more. You discovered that the most important things in this world are not “ things” but the the love and connection with your family.
This is the perfect time to appreciate all your blessings and find ways of acknowledging them. And most importantly you now have time.
You suddenly have time to exercise, to change your diet. To make better decisions. Or just spend your nights watching movies and share a laugh with your partner.
And you tell yourself, do not waste time on negative thoughts.
You have to live longer for your kids and grandkids. Because after this pandemic you need to spend more time with them, watch them grow, have fun, and hopefully travel with them soon.
Then you realize the reason for the all the pain. It’s for you to learn how to appreciate the most important people in your life.
This pandemic has thought you to be more open, loving and supportive and this new normal is all about making things better.
Live your Life!
This story is an entry to ComCo Southeast Asia’s “Write to Ignite Blogging Project Season 2: Dear Survivor”. The initiative continues to respond to the need of our times, as every story comes a long way during this period of crisis. The initiative aims to pull and collate powerful stories from the Philippine blogging communities to inspire the nation to rise and move forward amidst the difficult situation. The “Write to Ignite Blogging Project” Season 2 is made possible by ComCo Southeast Asia, with Eastern Communications and Jobstreet as co-presenters, with AirAsia and Xiaomi as major sponsors, and with Teleperformance as sponsor.
